February 7, 2012

4 American Perspectives on Liverpool-Tottenham

Luis Suarez, contemplating Special Relativity

Frank Jaeger, 29 years old and currently unemployed, says: Zero to zero draw. And both teams stay in the same spot in their league table. I just spent two hours or whatever watching two teams do jackSHIT. My time's worth more than that, you know? I'm not gonna stay home and watch like a whole movie or whatever if everything's just back the way it started at the end of the thing. Enough of this dumb sport on MY ESPN2.

Mei Ling, 27, a prominent rocket scientist, says: OH MY GOOOOODDDD THAT CAT WAS SO DAMN CUTE! IT RAN ACROSS THE FIELD OR PITCH OR WHATEVER AND THEN THE CAMERAS TURNED ON IT AND IT JUST LOOKED BACK AND IT WAS SOOOOO SCARED OH MY GOD. Thankfully, the nice and beautiful people of Anfield just picked it up gently and sent it on its way. Then they even gave it its own Twitter account! Listen to all these great jokes: "Hopefully going to Paw-tugal this summer." THAT IS BRILLIANT.

Hal Emmerich, 21, recently back from studying abroad in London, says: I am down with this sport, you know? I don't mind if it was a draw or if Tottenham Hotspur's manager wasn't there because his flight was cancelled on the way back from contesting tax evasion charges and the other team's player Luis Suarez is just back from being really racist or whatever! Better those things than steroids! Oh by the way, check out my sweet London accent, it's pretty legit. Here we go.... *ahem* Oi mate, a chav done nicked me trousers, innit?

Robby, 3, a baseball box score analysis computer, says: DATA_WIN_ERR, DATA_LOSS_ERR, DATA_IMPORTANTPLAYS_ERR, It was an emotional night for SUAREZLUIS who played on Monday against former beloved AJAX teammate VANDERVAARTRAFAEL in DATA_YEARSTOGETHER_ERR. DATA_TOUCHINGPLAYERANECDOTE_ERR.